I caved.. My calculus was that for me to be rigidly inflexible on something W was asking of me would be more of the same - not a 180.
"Caving" is not attractive. Hopefully, you were able to listen, validate, and be firm without arguing or guilting. Not many LBS are able to do that when pressed in an MC session.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I had to bite my tongue there. I don't know - as Mach1 said, those are her truths and I have my own truths about the relationship.
Impressive control.
Originally Posted by Doug54
The topic turned to what form separation might take. I reiterated in a matter-of-fact, grounded way that I was opposed to moving out of my own house for something I didn't want. W acknowledged that she didn't have the money to get her own place right now and that she was adamantly against uprooting the kids.
Great job!
Originally Posted by Doug54
W said to me in the car on the way home, "I think we're just going to have to stay put for a while." That statement went pretty counter to most of her remarks to the counselor, like she wanted out of the marriage and living arrangement *yesterday*.
Yes! The arguments and manipulation typically come when they believe it's something you'll cave on--like attending the MC session. When you're firm there's no point.
Originally Posted by Doug54
"I'm conflicted and you're basically like 'Peace out!'" Nothing out of her mouth in the counseling session suggested she was "conflicted" about leaving, but whatever.
Yes! Good job not reading too much into this. You showed strength which is attractive and shot down her fantasy plans of moving out or nesting. WAS are not robots, and she probably is slightly more conflicted now. How did you reply? Hopefully, you didn't reassure her.
Originally Posted by Doug54
So, that's the state of play. I'm sorry to say that detachment has kind of stagnated for the time being, so that's something I need to work on. I don't know- I feel good. The sun is shining, I'm healthy, my kids are healthy, I'm going to hit the gym today and try to get some reading in this evening, it's still summer... carpe diem, right (Latin for "seize the day" - any Dead Poet's Society fans?).
Robin Williams, R.I.P. That's a wonderful attitude and plan--the gym and reading.
Again, Doug54, you're ahead of the typical LBS curve.
