So, folks...yesterday I caved and attended MC with the wife. My calculus was that for me to be rigidly inflexible on something W was asking of me would be more of the same - not a 180. Truth be told, I didn't care that much - there was nothing the counselor could say that would make me respond, "Gee, I really see your point there. Guess I'll head home and pack up to move out."
The session went ok, at least much better than the first time. I did acknowledge to the counselor that I didn't want a divorce, to which she asked W if there was anything that could be worked on to change her mind. W responded that her IC had "helped" her see that there were signs of emotional abuse in the relationship and that she felt she'd moved on from the marriage. I had to bite my tongue there. I don't know - as Mach1 said, those are her truths and I have my own truths about the relationship.
The topic turned to what form separation might take. I reiterated in a matter-of-fact, grounded way that I was opposed to moving out of my own house for something I didn't want. W acknowledged that she didn't have the money to get her own place right now and that she was adamantly against uprooting the kids. She's still in love with the nesting, rotating apartment idea if and when funds permit it, no doubt influenced by hearing of it from her old friends. The counselor did say that she didn't blame me for not wanting to move out.
The session ended unceremoniously. No angry feelings or contempt. To be honest, I actually felt ok about it and didn't regret going. W said to me in the car on the way home, "I think we're just going to have to stay put for a while." That statement went pretty counter to most of her remarks to the counselor, like she wanted out of the marriage and living arrangement *yesterday*.
Her mood at home the rest of the night was pretty good. I was in a nice, carefree mood myself. We shared a moment of flirtatious talk before I had to leave for something and she said, "I'm conflicted and you're basically like 'Peace out!'" Nothing out of her mouth in the counseling session suggested she was "conflicted" about leaving, but whatever.
There's a very fair chance we co-habitate through this upcoming school year due to limited options. Not to get ahead of things, though. The counselor did bring up in-home separation and suggest some people simply lie about adhering to it in order to start the separation clock leading up to a divorce filing, but that might take cooperation from both spouses. Not sure if W will try to float that by me.
So, that's the state of play. I'm sorry to say that detachment has kind of stagnated for the time being, so that's something I need to work on. I don't know- I feel good. The sun is shining, I'm healthy, my kids are healthy, I'm going to hit the gym today and try to get some reading in this evening, it's still summer... carpe diem, right (Latin for "seize the day" - any Dead Poet's Society fans?).
