It has been brought to my attention that I am doing you a disservice by implying that you did nothing wrong and you are a victim. That is not my intention. I was trying to ease your guilt of not reading the "Love Languages" book. I am sure you know everyone can improve on their relationship skills/self improvement and that is why I have read 40 books and continue to seek more knowledge as read in my threads in Surviving. Typically with men we lack empathy and validation skills which lead to disconnection with our partners. When the disconnection happens then both partners tend to ignore the other persons needs. Resentment starts to build until eventually someone is the first to pull the rip cord leading to the LBS landing here.
Your best path to restoring you marriage is to become the best version of yourself.
Detach, 180, GAL.
Thanks for the clarification, but I didn't misconstrue anything. I definitely had my role in things coming unglued. I never crossed a line with W or did anything inappropriate outside the marriage, but I was emotionally distant and not hands-on enough, and it came back to bite me. That bolded line above was probably a perfect encapsulation of me, at least for a time.
I have told a couple people in my close inner circle that W had (and has) several very key "risk factors" for a MLC, not the least of which are some unresolved hurts from childhood including a lack of involvement from her parents. It doesn't lessen the sting of where we are today, but I do think there's a strong chance I could have knocked it out of the park as a husband in every way and still be in this situation. You know, life's passing her by and I'm the main obstacle in the road. But again, the point remains that I could have been better - something I want to improve upon today, tomorrow, and in whatever future relationships life holds for me.
