Woke the other morning to finding out that K's insurance money hit my account....
I hadn't thought of how that would affect me, or how deeply I would 'feel' that when it happened.
I felt cheap, and dirty with it. Like it was 'blood' money of sorts.
I am sorry these feelings about this felt bad, even for the flash of a single thought.
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And I'm finally at a point where I am embracing that this is her, trying to be there for me in the only way that is left. Some financial help , regardless how 'final' it feels. This is the last 'material' thing that she will ever leave me....
Exactly what she did. She had choices about what to do here, and she chose to care for you in the only way left available to her. After all, that's what partners do. While it may be the last "thing" she will leave you, in comparison to all she gave, well...
Do I hear the sound of guilt? I hope not, but it wouldn't be unexpected.
