Yes, I do still love her. Eighteen years together and three children (plus the two stepchildren I raised as my own with W) creates a history that can't just be turned off. Some erosion has definitely occurred, but what's been broken can still be put back together. Will it? I really don't know. If I had to guess today, I would put about an 80 percent chance of divorce on my situation. W is really yearning to see if the grass is greener on the other side.
To answer the second question, today, at this moment - no, I don't think I could do two years of this. Even if I were to assume we're maybe 6 months in, and that two years is down to 1.5...I just don't know. If I had a crystal ball and *knew* W would come out of it- could I deal with a year and half of suckitude? Probably. But as a total maybe that she'd exit the MLC? I just don't know.
I would say that YOU have some decisions to make then.....
You are torn....
That's fairly normal this early on...
What if I would guarantee that she would come back ?
What if I would tell you that she just has some steam to blow off and she will be home by November ???
You would do that....right ?
What if, I told you that you would walk through hell with gasoline shorts on, not knowing if you would ever get another chance at a relationship with her...
Go about YOUR business, do the hard internal work of making yourself a better person, just living your life for you and your kiddos....
That makes the choice harder....yes ?
One of those options is "for better"
One of those options is "for worse"
You did promise both didn't you ?
Standing for your marriage is your choice....
You get to make that choice every freakin morning when you wake up...
But you kinda should choose one or the other...
You can't ride two horses with one a$s....
Halfway doing this isn't either answer...
And not to bash you in the head or anything....
But 18 years, and 5 children....
I would think that she deserves a little more than a few months to figure it out...
Maybe ?
Don't let HER define who YOU wanna be....
Once a person finds them self here, the majority of the time, the Marriage that you once knew is already gone. It will be no more. And anything down the road will have to rebuilt from the ashes of that. Hopefully with a new set of skills, appreciation, and commitment from both of you.
And would you really want the same marriage back ?
Soooo....
What would YOU like to do, and work on ???
Somewhere around here, Cadet has some reading material lists....???
