Stuck in limbo II

[BL42]

Doug54,

If we're talking about pie-in-the-sky hopes, I would want my old wife back and to live the life I thought we were destined for, raising our children together.

You're not alone. Most of us wanted that. However, as you mention it's not up to us.

Since I can't control W or her actions, I want to work toward self-betterment, being a good father, being happy, eliminating any co-dependent traits, world peace, ending hunger...

Good goals. Though you may be biting off a little too much with the last two ;-)

You know...of course the easy answer is that it's her journey. But I'm definitely getting the brunt of it- the snippy responses, moods, eye rolls. One minute she might be acting p!ssy towards me, the next having a full-hearted chuckle with her daughter (my stepdaughter). My IC said I'm probably being "targeted" as a source of what's wrong in her life, though I don't know how much specific familiarity he has with MLC.

It's common for the WAS/WS to give a lot of grief to the LBS, even in cases where the LBS was a pretty decent or even good spouse. They're unhappy, and they often put the blame of their unhappiness onto someone else rather than looking inward. So I wouldn't be surprised if you're IC is right (at least partially). It could also be projecting the hurt/anger/blame she has for her own actions & decisions onto you. She feels bad at first about what she's doing but can't blame herself forever and live with that so she has to put that on someone else (often times the spouse).

Yes, I do still love her. Eighteen years together and three children (plus the two stepchildren I raised as my own with W) creates a history that can't just be turned off.

Understandable. A lot of shared history and memories. It doesn't just go away (on either side).

To answer the second question, today, at this moment - no, I don't think I could do two years of this. Even if I were to assume we're maybe 6 months in, and that two years is down to 1.5...I just don't know. If I had a crystal ball and *knew* W would come out of it- could I deal with a year and half of suckitude? Probably. But as a total maybe that she'd exit the MLC? I just don't know.

I think I told you once you have to steel your resolve if you're going to stick it out. Every timeline is different, but it's most likely to take much longer than you first imagine/hope/realize. If you're already saying you can't stick it out a year or two...