Hi DB friends, I am taking a break from posting on this forum but wanted to throw out a few thoughts to people posting here so you can give the right advice to those seeking help. These are just my personal opinions, so if you feel they are incorrect feel free to ignore them.
Soooo...
Just so that I understand...
You're not gonna post for a while....
Yet on the way out the door, you are gonna soapbox how the people that are still here, should post...???
Sound about right ??
That bad part for me, is that I agree with a lot of what you are saying...
I have always felt that the term Divorce Busting has been mis-interpreted.
The words themselves are mis-leading as they sit. They give a false impression that if you do A,B,C, and D, your marriage will magically be restored.....not true.
By the time that most posters hit these boards, their marriage is over as they knew it. Many can't grasp that concept, and some realize it fairly quickly.
Through my posts here, I have mentioned more than once that I really don't care about a person's "marriage" here. It's the poster that I am concerned with. Their growth, their healing, their path to a new and better life, which ultimately CAN LEAD TO A RESTORED MARRIAGE WITH THEIR CURRENT SPOUSE.
MWD stresses that the changes and development of the person is key throughout her process.
Without the growth and change, there is no chance at all..
Never once have I seen her say to save the marriage at all expense.
From what I've read here as opposed to a few years ago,is that most of the advice from the vets, seems to follow how their situation turned out....
Therefore they will lead to what they know....
Advice from anger will result in anger..
Advice from am unforgiving place will lead to resentment, and the lack of forgiveness...
Advice from fear will create more fear....
I've always been told to vent in the direction that you would like to grow...
Vent up, grow upward...
Vent down, you sacrifice your standards.....
It isn't up to anyone here, to steal hope from a new poster....maybe that's why newcomers is a ghost town now.
Not every marriage should be saved, that is true....
Yet every marriage deserves the chance to be evaluated by the poster first, to see where it truly stands without the rose colored glasses on...
Ask what they want, rather than tell them what's gonna happen....
The ONLY time I agree with a straight up Divorce in in the event of physical abuse..
Everything else is so subjective. We only get one side of the story here.....
I can tell you this though....
There is no better feeling than being part of a success story....
Yet even that is subjective. When first here, success is defined as a restored marriage. Yet I think that the true message of what MWD teaches is lost, that the best chance a person has, is to become a better person in the areas that they once lacked.
I've had the chance to be a part of about 10-12 restored marriages during my time here. And while that feels good....
The best feeling comes from the dozens of restored people I've been a part of...
I kinda like this discussion....
Assessing what it means to DB within ourselves can often reset our focus....
I know it has for me several times over the years.....
