Is it a MLC or??

[SteveLW]

Oh one last thing. There are no shortcuts here. Trying to shortcut all of this will just cause you more pain. I see you think having the talk to get it over with will help. It won't. There is not a "THE talk". You will have a talk. Then days and weeks will pass and you will convince yourself that the right approach is ANOTHER talk.

The problem? Reread what Mach1 said. HE WILL LIE. Nothing he says can be believed or trusted. So what will talking do? Nothing, because you cannot put stock into any of it. Frustrating? YES!

In my situation my W would say whatever was convenient at the time. If her goal was to get out of the discussion, then she would say things she would hope would end it. If her goal was to make me feel better, then she would say things to try and make me feel better. If her goal was to try to convince me that D was the best option, then she would say things to try to convince me of that. None of it was real. None of it could be believed. None of it meant anything real or tangible.

As Mach said, talking your way out of a D, or out of his MLC is not an option. Talking will not work.

When you do things to try to shortcut your own pain it will fail every time. You will feel worse after taking any action meant to try to minimize the pain. You will feel worse afterward. The DBing advice is difficult, but it is the single best path there is. Trust me on this, I looked for them all.

And pay particular heed to Mach's point about there being no magic bullet. If there were something you could say or do to fix this, then this forum would not exist. Someone would have written a book centuries ago that said "Do this, and say this, to fix your marriage!" And there would never be another D again. The fact is that there is no such thing. So do things that minimize the damage, that focus on you, that let go of trying to control the situation. In other words, use the DB techniques espouse here and in the book.

And as Mach said, keep posting!