Is it a MLC or??

[Reeling]

Hi everyone, I posted a couple of responses here the other day but they never appeared so I am trying again and really hope this response shows up!

Thank you so much for your feedback.

There are so many reasons I know there is no OW but I don’t want to make my entire response consist of me pointing out why there is no OW. There truly isn’t. This is not me being naiive; this is what his very good friends have also told me. He also recently arrived back after off a long-haul flight to see his family in his home country and three hours off the flight, I found him sitting in a bar watching a game with his (male) friends. On the rare occasions I bump into him, he is alone or with male friends. And, despite the pain he is causing me right now, he has never lied to me and I trust he is not lying now. I have asked him on more than one occasion to tell me if there is someone else. He has vowed this is not and there never was. He has promised to tell me if there ever is, before I find out any other way. Anyway, I won’t go on. I am satisfied there is no OW. I am also aware that could change.

Our lunch on Sunday turned into about 5 hours together. After a great lunch, with no relationship talk, just lots of laughter and light chat, we went for a drive. Then we stopped somewhere for a drink. Then another drive, then another stop for a few games of pool. However, I will admit that all the suggestions of going somewhere (to extend our time together) came from me, not him. Perhaps if I hadn’t, he would have just dropped me home after an hour or so of lunch and that would have been that. I have no way of knowing but I will say that each time (twice in total) I suggested going somewhere else, he agreed pretty quickly, without hesitation.

He talked to me about his visit home. I knew his friends had talked to him during that time as several of them have spoken to me (including his best friend) to say they think he’s making a huge mistake and that they have told him to think very carefully about what he’s doing. However, he obviously does not know that his friends have spoken to me (I know this is also not a good DB strategy.)

Over lunch the other day, when he talked about meeting up with his friends while he was home, I asked what they had said when he told them about our split. I wanted to see if he’d just brush it off by saying something like, “oh, they were just sorry to hear it”. Instead, he was completely honest with me and replied with, “they all told me to think carefully about what I’m doing and make sure I’m not making a mistake”. I really did appreciate that honesty. Rightly or wrongly, I took some hope from it – that maybe their words hit home and he is doing some thinking. Of course, I don’t know.

I just replied casually with, “well, that’s good advice” and left it at that. Of course, now I regret not asking him if he is thinking hard about things as they suggested or if he has already made up his mind. But that would have been relationship talk.
He dropped me home after our day together. We live on a beautiful tropical island, where people frequently go to the beach in the evening to watch the sunset – something we did a lot of before BD. I told him I might take the dog to the beach for sunset and asked if he wanted to join. At that point, he declined and said he had to get home. Then he added, “but maybe during the week?” I said that would be nice.

His dad makes pickles and he gave me a jar of pickled onions his father had made for me as he knows (the father does) that I like them. After my husband left, I decided to try one but couldn’t get the jar open – the lid was screwed so tight. I sent him a message joking about being unable to open the jar. He replied with, “I will fix for you x”. Not trying to read into anything, but he rarely puts kisses at the end of messages to me since the separation.

The following morning (Monday) I sent him a funny video of our cat. He did not reply. It’s been over hours and I’ve heard nothing. I keep thinking about how he’d said maybe a trip to the beach for sunset during the week might be an option but I’m telling myself not to suggest it – leave it to him. I fear he won’t. There is also a chance he may have to go overseas for business this week (only around 3 days as not far), in which case the beach wouldn’t happen anyway. My worry is that I won’t know either way if he doesn’t contact me.

My longest period of not initiating contact was just 12 days. During that time, he didn’t contact me. It was hell on earth.

I have tried so much already. I am working on myself, accept my role in the marriage breakdown, etc I have done a 180 – flew to NYC (a 30 hour journey from where we live) out of the blue while he was away visiting his family. He was shocked when he found out, but it made no difference to anything really, just lightened my bank balance significantly!

We hardly ever see each other unless I suggest it. He also keeps mentioning that he might move overseas. This kills me. I don’t know what to do. Sorry this is so long.

One thing I forgot to mention is that several of his friends and family members told me that he broke down crying while talking to them about us. He has done the same to me a few times I've tried to have the relationship talk.