The drive home from the trip felt a little stilted, with some palpable distance in the car. I think W still had a few angry feelings about how the counseling session played out. Unfortunately, being together for so many hours a day on the mini vacation didn't exactly bolster my detachment efforts. Still, if I had to do it again, I would. May well wind up being the last family trip, and I had plenty of musings to that end, in real time. In a way, I think it helped me appreciate it more.
It has been invaluable going back through this thread and seeing the multiple postings of "it's a marathon, not a sprint" and other lines of that ilk. I'm seemingly mired in a trend of two steps forward, one step back...or even two steps forward, two steps back. Try as I might, I can't seem to muster the level of detachment I feel I should be heading towards. MWD had a line in the MLC chapter of DR that goes something like "and there will be times when, just for a moment, things seem normal again, and these will sustain you." It's hard, folks!
I also tend to get a little stuck on all the good quotes from Ready2Change's threads. Sometimes I get caught between "this is the prevailing wisdom" and "it says to see what works and stick with that." Like, a 180 for me would be acting more emotionally present...but then, I don't want to overdo that and be readily available. I'm an outgoing person, but I did get to a point where I was a little withdrawn and in my own world in the house. I'm toeing that line the best i can while putting as much focus as possible on GAL and doing things with the kids.
Perhaps the toughest internal conflict is questioning what I'm holding onto vs forcing W to be the one to move out whenever that point may arrive. Treading water or "standing"...in some ways, it can feel like an emotionally hollow existence. I apologize for rehashing thoughts I've probably already typed before. Just using the forum to get a few sentiments off my chest.
