. I've spent a lot of time coming to terms with what has happened to me. I've read a lot of books, listened to podcasts, and had several months of IC. I do feel that I know who I am, and what I need to work on for myself, and I have an understanding of my role in the collapse of my marriage. I do have a pretty solid view of my mind, head, values and convictions. What I am still struggling with is feeling numb and shut down from exhaustion. My MR was collapsing for 2-3 years before BD, so IC feels that it's the long timeline of stressors that has me numb more than my mindset. I fear trusting a partner again. I fear getting involved with another narcissist again.
Ultimately, that decision is yours...
You seemed to vacillate between being ready and not being ready....
Which direction would you like lead to ???
All of that up there.. ^^^^
Knowing it and living it are entirely different.....and FEEL entirely different in the real world....
Hell, I could perform a knee replacement because I watched a video of it...
However, IN THE MOMENT, I'm certain it would be totally different...
When what I thought I knew, is up against what I don't actually know....
Thinking that you know, is the fear of being in those situations again....
Knowing that you know, is what keeps you from them....
So maybe if you decide to date, think about the specific reasons that you are, and what your goals are for the date...
Are you simply trying to validate yourself externally ?
Are you seeking a long term companion ?
A one night companion ?
Whatever choice you make....just be sure to "own" it...
