Is it a MLC or??

[Reeling]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your responses and feedback; I truly appreciate it.

So, honestly, I know I sound naïve and may never convince some of you, but there truly, honestly is no other woman. I am fully aware there may be eventually. Right now, there is not. I have so many reasons for saying this and won't go into them all. There have been too many occasions when I have found him/seen him sitting in a bar with a male friend or two at a time when if there was another woman he would be with her.

This is not my only reason for saying this. We have had very honest conversations (please believe me on this) and he has told me more than once that there is nobody else, there was nobody else and he will tell me if there ever is anybody else, before I find out from someone else. Whatever about everything else that has gone on, I believe him on this. I know I sound naïve, there's not much I can do about that.

We live in Thailand, therefore most of the women are Asian. He is not attracted to Thai girls, never has been. That is just another factor.

He recently got back from a visit to friends and family in England, where he's from. On his return, he got straight off a long-haul flight and went to a bar to meet his (male) friends to watch a big game. I know this, because I walked into the bar a few minutes after him, totally not expecting him to be there. He'd been away for 3 weeks. Again, at the risk of sounding naïve, wouldn't the logical thing be for him to go straight from his flight to the other woman? Except there isn't one.

Another way I know: his friends, including his best friend, have talked to me without him knowing. They have told me they think he's losing his mind. They have also told me there is 100% nobody else (which is partly why they can't understand what he's doing).

I'll leave it there, rather than risk having this entire response become me listing reasons why there is nobody else. There just isn't. Fully aware that may change but for now...

I have tried cutting contact because I was instigating most of it. So I went dark. It achieved nothing. He went dark too. We didn't see, hear, or speak to each other and it broke my heart. He did not appear to miss me - I'm just basing that on the fact that he didn't break NC. I eventually resumed contact as I couldn't see how I could save my marriage if we weren't in contact.

I also tried doing a 180 - I flew to New York and stayed with a friend for two weeks. This is a BIG DEAL, it is a journey over nearly 30 hours from here. I did it while he was in England and he was shocked and taken aback when he found out. Not sure it achieved anything else other than significantly lightening my wallet, ha.

I am working on myself but how can he ever see that if we don't see each other? He very, very rarely uses social media. We have very few friends in common that would feed anything back to him about me doing GAL or moving on or anything like that. The friends I mentioned earlier who spoke to me to say they think he's losing his mind and there is nobody else are not here - they are all in England.

We met for lunch yesterday and had the best day. I decided no relationship talk, no heavy stuff, just keep it light and fun. When lunch was over, I suggested a drink somewhere and he agreed. We ended up spending about 6 hours together, all of which consisted of laughter and good conversation. At one point, he talked about his trip to England and I asked him what his friends had said when he told them about our break-up (he does not know obviously that his friends have all contacted me).

He replied, "They all told me to think very carefully about what I'm doing - to make sure I'm not making a mistake".

I just replied by saying, "Well, that's good advice" and left it at that.

But I was glad he was honest in his reply and didn't just say something like, "Oh, they were just sad to hear the news".

He dropped me home early evening. We live on a beautiful island and a lot of people go to the beach in the evening to watch the sunset. I told him I would be taking the dog to do that and asked if he wanted to join us (I know, I shouldn't have). He said no, that he had to get home, but then added, "but maybe during the week?" I said that would be nice.

He has left all his stuff here since he walked out in April. All he has with him are some clothes and his toothbrush and shaver. He even left all his aftershave here and when I do see him, he usually looks unshaven, tired, stressed. I mean, really, I do not think there is someone else... He is staying in a tiny condo he has described as a "sh*thole" (sorry, I hope that's allowed!).

Yesterday, before he left, he asked if he could take two pieces of Tupperware as he doesn't have any at his place. There's a whole cupboard of the stuff at my place (most of it collected by him - we used to joke about it). I said of course, then pointed at a George Foreman grill I had bought him just before he walked out, as he'd been saying he really wanted to get one. I asked him if he wanted to take it. He hesitated, then said, "no, that's okay for now. Things are complicated right now, aren't they?"

I have no idea what that meant, I just shrugged and said, "okay, up to you".

He had brought me a jar of pickled onions he'd got while visiting his Dad in England - his Dad makes these and they're super spicy. My husband can't eat them but knows I like them and his Dad had asked him to give them to me.

So after he left, I decided try one but could not get the lid off the glass jar, it was screwed so tightly shut. So I messaged him (we communicate via WhatsApp) and told him, throwing in a few laughing emojis and making a joke of it.

He responded, "I will fix for you" and put a kiss at the end of the message. (Not wanting to read too much into that but he hasn't done that for a while).

To answer how he found out I was having a minor procedure (needed an MRI for an arm injury) and paid for half of it - I told him.

I've had a few calls with coach Joann but the last one was in June. I know I should go dark but I'm worried that all that will happen if I do that is that he goes dark too. And we just continue in darkness indefinitely. I am trying to bring him back in from the cold.

I appreciate all your support so much. Thank you and sorry this is a bit long.