Over 2 years and still so much pain,,,

[DnJ]

Hello Adios

With each peek out of the tunnel they get closer to their exiting it. If that is indeed their fate.

You are right when you say the old marriage is dead. I already see that we are both different enough people now that we couldn’t just pick up where we left off. So that leaves me wondering what a new marriage would look like and I struggle to imagine it. I can’t see us connecting and being as close as we once were even if we were both committed to that. I also feel quite a bit of resistance within me to the idea of actively being his wife again. I don’t think whatever marriage we could put together would work. There,,I said it. I don’t want the marriage back.

Yep. I also wonder what a new marriage would look like between J and I. Certainly cannot just pick up from where and when it blew apart.

I would like to reconnect though and maybe reconcile a friendship. But just saying that meets with some resistance within me. It’s possible I might feel differently in the future. He is still in MLC and until he is out of MLC or close to it, I’m fine just staying where I am. This has nothing to do with any residual anger or bitterness, or any other negative feelings. I have released all those feelings over the last few years. He is someone I still love in some measure and I truly wish him the best.

Not wanting the marriage back or wanting to be friends is ok. You can love someone and not like them. I still love J, yet her and I are not friends.

It’s clear to me that I have as much to figure out of as a LBS as he does as a MLC.

Most wise!

I’ve discovered lots about myself, faith, loyalty, values, where and when I draw the line, empathy, compassion, conviction, forgiveness, emotional intelligence, and so on. I’ve learnt plenty about crisis, emotional problems, child rearing, grief, depression, etc. And I have discovered more questions with each answer. I now have more to learn, than when I knew less. Lol.

This unwanted horrible path we were forced upon is a golden opportunity and an incredible blessing. The wisdom is hard earned, no doubts there; the most valuable tenets, knowledge, and experience usually are.

I’m not devastated or even upset. I will carry on with my perfectly fine as it is life. I do wish him well though and I don’t regret the brief period of contact we did have.

Good for you. Nice to be on to the smooth part of the path, isn’t it?

D