IHS continues. approaching 4 yrs now since BD. For those of you newcomers who think it is impossible to be in IHS for a long time I am here to tell you that it is possible. Not easy, but possible.
You may be wondering how? Well the answer is simple: time, space, and distance. Letting things go, giving things oxygen, letting things go in different directions. We may not feel like things change at all for years in our lives but the truth is things are always changing every moment.
I made the decision to stop worrying about and stressing over every daily weekly or even monthly scenario. I told myself that I would want to see the situation as an observer in the future as if I was reading back over the years of my own posts. I pretended that I was in the future and that I could see all the minute changes take place over time. Was I a good person? Was I acting honorably? Did I stand for my values? Did I correct my mistakes and learn from them?
Then I slowed down. Started to enjoy the small things in life that I used to barely notice. I got really quiet and started examining my own life: the things I wanted to do, the things I didn't like about myself. I got into and remained in IC and am continuing to process all the decades of trauma that I had subconsciously buried because I was too afraid to open Pandoras Box.
Time will tell what will happen. Maybe if I was younger things would take on a more rushed note, but I'm not. I turned 50 earlier this year and the things I want now are not the same as the things I wanted in my 20s or 30s.
Meanwhile the list of things I want to do in life grows daily. I am also in no rush to accomplish those things but it is nice to have goals and things to look forward to.
My advice to newbies?
Breathe.
You have time. Use it.
Take this time to figure out what you want to do. Use logic and reason.
Don't worry about what partner is doing - that's their own path right now, not yours. I know thats not what you want to hear, believe me, I didnt want to hear it either, but you can only control yourself and your own actions. There will be time later to think about things changing, maybe, but that time is not right now.
