It's progress, not perfection...

[DnJ]

Hello El

I’ve a couple of thoughts from reading your update/summary.

I’d not reach out to XH’s OW’s H (or is he XH yet?). I do not see much benefit coming from ripping open that scar, for you or him.

I'm starting to feel again and I've been doing IC.

Yes, our emotions and feelings do return.

After years of stress and trauma, I've been suffering from emotional numbness and/or detachment.

In no way to belittle anything. However…

After years of stress and trauma, I've been suffering from experiencing emotional numbness and/or detachment.

Detachment and indifference, and the numbness it brings, are not an affliction. It is a perfectly normal part of grief. It is temporary, as you know, as your feelings are returning.

…the emotional issues are dragging on. My IC feels that dating again will help to deal with these issues.

My dear friend. I’d not do that. Dating will detract from your healing, not help it.

One should, needs to, get their emotions, mind, head and heart, and values and convictions in order before entangling someone else into the mix. I do not agree with the advice of using a date to help you through your journey. Deal with your issues, then date if you want too.

I have accepted the D, I've come to terms with what I've learned about my XH and how he treated me, but I still do not really feel "alive" or excited about life yet. So this journey for me is ongoing.

Have faith. It is coming. Act as if. Do. Go on a trip or to an amusement park or whatever.

I do feel alive - now. Excited about my life and future - now. Let’s see, I’m coming up on five years post BD, and the first three or so years were rather dim. The beginning was damn dark, truth be told. The next chunk was all that numbness and kind of not feeling “alive”.

The transition from depression to acceptance is not a well defined point in time, it is rather nebulous. Just one day you realize you accept this. Or most of it. It is not a sudden back to normal feelings by the way either.

Slowly feelings return. And other feelings do not. And still other feelings return and are unwanted. It’s a journey. Worry and focus less on your feelings, and more focus and consider your values and life’s headings.

Feelings are fleeting, and they will eventually align with your beliefs. And those beliefs were strengthened and such with intellect and goals and headings. Peace and contentment comes when one’s heart, mind, and soul are all in step. We then can act upon that with ease - the living a great life, and feeling alive and excited about it.

It’s a journey. Everyone’s path is of different duration. Thing is, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

I get it. It seems so long right now. I look back, and my divorce journey looks like a blip. Just a wee dip in the road. Yet at the time, it was such a chasm. From me to you, take your time and do it well. The dividends are very much worth it.

D