What are some of the other reasons there's such an outcry against nesting? I mean, I get the main one, but it would seem like if you could agree on a "no sex with others rule" that it would at least get both parents into the house on a rotation. I'm not saying I'm smitten with it, just asking.
How would you enforce a "no sex with others" rule? What about making out, dirty dancing, etc with others? Agreeing to nesting thinking you can control a WW is fool's gold at best. All a "no sex with others" rule would do is mean that if she did sleep with someone you would never know about it. That is why we tell LBSs to assume they ARE sleeping with others. Now what? (Hint: you get to answer the "now what?" for yourself.
Though I never nested, I did watch my WW hoping she'd choose me. What a terrible place to be. Especially since she had made it clear she didn't want me. So with every move she made (EA, looking for another EAP after the first one ended, nude pics with 1st EAP, full blown dating profile on dating app, etc), I was disappointed. If I could look back at my old self at the beginning of my situation, I would tell myself to ASSUME the worst. And then make my decisions about how to move forward accordingly.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm terrible with just taking one day at a time and often immediately rush to the worst case scenario. Granted, a lot of the situations on this board do end in the "worst case." (I suppose the true worst case would be death, but you know what I mean.)
I do not agree. I know you think that worse case scenario is divorce. Not at all. Worst case scenario is that you learn nothing and do grow through out this situation. Whether you save your MR or not becomes less important than what you personally gain through the experience. Yes lots of posters here end up D'd. But a lot of them are better for it, and through working on themselves have set themselves up for future success in a new R. A few get stuck, but it is because they never really embraced that they have a choice for themselves no matter what their WAS ultimately decides about the MR.
Until you drop the fear of D, you will continue to thwart your own DBing efforts. We live in an imperfect world. You MR could end for a myriad of reasons (including death as you mention). Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% what our attitude towards those things are.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
