Cheaters gonna cheat

[DonH]

If G thinks it is right for her, and more importantly Little G, then it IS right for them. It doesn’t really matter whether the rest of us think it is right or not because we aren’t the ones living it.

Dawn I very often agree with your thoughts but on this I can’t understand your thinking. Let’s separate the specific item currently at play. Are you saying that whatever someone thinks is the correct thing to do or not do, is always correct? So if her father was kicking the dog, if she thinks it might strain their R she should not say anything or intervene? As long as they think it’s the correct thing then that’s the final word? What about if he was shoplifting while he and Little G went shopping? It’s yet another uncomfortable sitch. Sure little G is not participating but she’s aware of it and he’s doing it right in front of her. What if he used the N word all the time and it made little G very uncomfortable? I could list all sorts of examples. Yes it very does much does matter what others think. Just because she’d rather not rock the boat does not mean we can’t say THAT IS WRONG!!! Little G thinks it’s wrong, it totally bothers her - but don’t confront her dad for fear of his reaction? It’s okay for her to be scared. It’s okay to be difficult. But if we don’t do things we are afraid of or that are difficult where will that end? She needs support in doing what’s right.

I understand your reasons, but still have my doubts as to whether this is the right thing to do.

And as critical as I’ve been of some of KMLs points of view, I have to totally agree with her here. While I do not at all think it should be up to G or her D to talk to her step mom or really anyone else, we all should very much stand up for what we believe in and for absolutely certain stand up for ourselves. If something makes us upset, uncomfortable or whatever else, we should discuss it with the people in our lives - especially close family - doing it. When the majority reason for not doing so is not wanting to rock the boat or worse yet just ignoring reality in favor of wanting or pretending for everything to just be okay or be normal. That’s not life. We don’t get to choose our parents. Some of us have great parents while others have really crappy ones. Being a sperm donor does not a father make. Just as in my examples above, if Gs dad was abusing the dog or disparaging other races or whatever else, it’s akin to the bad behavior he’s displaying to his daughter with his affair. Yes it totally stinks the kind of person he is but this is a HUGE LEARNING AND TEACHING MOMENT that can shape who she grows up to be. She needs help and guidance and a strong person to lean on to help guide her. If 13 year olds had the ability to make these decisions by themselves they would not be children. Just as we should not involve children in adult situations we should not expect children to make adult decisions on their own and allow whatever they decide to be just fine. That’s what they have parents for - to help them through making these very difficult decisions.

So I’m crystal clear here, I don’t believe it’s up to her to confront or tell her stepmom. I don’t think it’s up to her to do anything other than have a Frank honest discussion with her father about anything he’s doing that she believes to be wrong or immoral and that bothers her - whether that be kicking the dog, shoplifting, using the N word - or carrying on an extramarital affair right in front if her. Every child should be encouraged to come to their parent and say “something you are doing is making me very upset and very sad.” Doing this should not change based on the feared response or reaction. This could be a huge character building experience for her - and maybe even for him.