Doug, I am a huge proponent of IC. I think it is the best action a LBS can take to sort through their own thoughts and feelings once they have the D bomb dropped on them.
However, ICs are humans. They aren't perfect. I am a big advocate of shopping around for the right IC. We should never look up on Google, pick a random IC, and then stick with that IC whether they are working for us or not. Now, I am not saying your IC isn't a good one, but I certainly do not agree with their assessment of why you should go to MC.
MC is for two committed people that want to make their marriage work. Any deviation from that and MC has nil chance of doing any good. To me there is no such thing as going to MC for "clarity". MC is about trying to improve the marriage, and that cannot happen when one spouse is actively trying to leave the marriage. Either that spouse will go reluctantly and it will be a waste of time, or they will go simply to be able to say that it was tried, or to use MC to get their LBS to agree that D is the right approach.
IF, and I say again IF you can go into MC with zero expectations of saving the marriage and only to gain clarity, then I would say proceed cautiously. The problem is that very few, if any, LBSs can go to MC without expectations. And then they find themselves in various stages of frustration over it. Either their WAS isn't as engaged as they would like them to be, or the WAS refuses to do the homework (most MC are classically trained: IE they will push reconnecting activities to try), or in some other way undermines the MC for their own purposes. If you go in expecting the worst and that it will be nothing like you hope for it to be, then so be it. But be honest with yourself. Can you go into MC without any expectations that she will take the MC seriously?
Anyway, just some thought I had while reading your last few responses.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
