I used to have this revenge fantasy that my ex would get called out publicly for everything he did. I wanted that validation. I wanted him to be publicly shamed and humiliated. I wanted justice and karma.
It took me a few years of healing to realize that the person most hurt by that would be my son.
I’m sorry your daughter has to go through this at such a young age. And I would do the same as you. Counseling and trying to keep her out of adult matters.
I don’t think anyone owes his wife anything as she went into this relationship with your ex knowing he was a cheater. If your cheating with someone - obviously eventually that person will cheat on you. If she was an innocent in all this and was at risk for stds/financial loss then maybe adult involvement would be the right thing. But definitely should not be left on the shoulders of a minor to do so.
The fact that your daughter confided in you is a testament to the safe and secure relationship you have provided with your daughter.
Would something like “I am proud of you for confiding in me. This an adult matter and I will handle it for you. You did nothing wrong and let’s make this my issue now. It yours. I will not tell anyone you confided in me unless you want me to do so” be appropriate?
This way, she knows she did stand up for something not right by confiding in the safe parent or authority figure (something she should do if she witnessed abuse or danger) but not be burdened with having to confront.
