Cheaters gonna cheat

[Treasur]

Well, i’m glad it helped you to tidy your own mind up, Ginger. We all need that sometimes, don’t we? Often, of course, we do know what we think.....it just gets a bit cluttered by emotion and other people’s BS.....but we get a kind of mirror when we can use a spare brain I find. And I think it must be quite hard sometimes being the only adult trying to think it through on your own.

Darn, that rule of 3 thing that I think I learned here works, doesn’t it lol? I am very touched by the respect you have for your daughter and the way you are supporting her so authentically. She has, with your help, caught a breath and had time to think about her preferred choice, her Plan A. It may be that events will demand a Plan B at some point, that’s true, but how cool is it that she got to decide it for herself.

And you? Well, yup, he’s a bit icky, isn’t he? And your daughter was distressed bc of his actions. But I would gently suggest that you keep reminding yourself of three things.....

1. Nothing has changed, he has been icky for a long time, you just chose to look past it bc it was no longer on your side of the street. It’s ok if, for a little while, you need to ease back and do a ‘gosh, bit too busy’ white lie while you let your amygdala settle down! And tbh it’s ok too if you decide that less contact/different contact works for you as your daughter is older now than when you first took the high road....really it’s ok, Ginger. Boundaries can be for you too and you don’t have to put words to them or justify them to anyone but yourself. And that’s just fine.

2. What matters to you most is your daughter’s wellbeing....that may or may not mean comfort exactly, depending on her choices....but the tremendous parental gift of respecting her right to choose for herself and learn to kick other people’s monkeys into the long grass. I know you love little G but tbh it sounds as if you like and respect her as a young human too....and that’s a lifelong gift, Ginger. I was very lucky with my parents....I always knew they had my back and liked me, even if they didn’t agree with my choices or when I was a teenage a$$hat. And I still carry that with me even now they are both gone.

3. Please don’t spend even a micro moment musing on their marital s$itshow. Whether she knows, he knows she knows, best friend knows she knows. These are messy self-centred people making a mud pie of their own lives either bc they like it or bc it’s easier than the alternative. And just bc they metaphorically invite you and little G to the mud pie fest does not mean you are obliged to show up lol. Leave them to it.....perhaps from a goodly distance while you and little G and grandma continue to live on the lovely mud-free side of the street.

Signing off now..

PS part of the reason I come back and read some threads is simply bc I really like the individual folks. So I care what happens to them. You are just delightful, Ginger, and little G is obviously a chip off the maternal block. I admire both of you very much and am happy if I got to make a small helpful contribution to more lovely Gingerness in the world. X