My dilemma is that it's clearly best for the kids if we both remain in the house for now.
You don't control whether she moves out. You control whether you move out. Get comfortable with "You control you, I control me." Try to avoid "We-statements" as most of them involve controlling a second person.
Originally Posted by Doug54
<she> has stated in the past that she wouldn't leave the kids.
It doesn't sound like her moving out is an imminent worry, anyway.
Originally Posted by Doug54
Of course, I could refuse, but I do have family nearby.
So? Moving out isn't in your best interests. From a custody and finance perspective, she would possess the family home, a huge asset and more comfortable for the kids. She would likely end up with more overnights with custody and support consequences. That's why we keep saying like a broken record to speak to an attorney before making any plans about moving out. Perhaps most importantly, not many success stories here begin with the LBS moving out. You joined because you wanted to save your marriage, rebuild trust, and have that family for your kids? If you've changed your mind, sleep on that a few days before acting and then plan with your attorney and speak through actions intended to best protect you and your kids' rights!
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm curious if W will actually bring up any concrete plan suggesting I move out for a bit.
"No, that doesn't work for me." Listen and validate the many feeling that may arise for her (show her Doug54 at his best--able to be fully present and emotionally available!). Do not counterattack, argue, justify, defend, etc.
