Thanks for the detailed response, BL42. I read your thread and I'm sorry about how things unfolded for you. It does sound like you're a really great and involved dad, though.
If you or anyone else can offer advice here, I'd be most appreciative. I'm essentially treading water with W in what would appear to be a normal home situation (to anyone on the outside looking in). However, as I mentioned in my initial post, she's months deep in an EA in which I know few details. I think she is looking for a soft landing in the form of getting a better job and one of us moving out. No indication at all from what I've snooped (bad, I know) into messages to friends, etc. that this is a local dude or someone that would become a reality once we split up. Who knows.
We're going to a MC this week that supposedly helps work on "transitions" as part of their practice, in addition to regular MC stuff. I'm curious if W will actually bring up any concrete plan suggesting I move out for a bit. Of course, I could refuse, but I do have family nearby. "Believe nothing they say and half of what they do" - she's been wishy washy in the past about this topic and how it would uproot the family, so I don't know.
My dilemma is that it's clearly best for the kids if we both remain in the house for now. We're not fighting and it's a steadier presence for one parent to be home while the other is out somewhere. On the other hand, I'm not thrilled with the cake-eating and time W spends at night clearly on her phone with the EA partner. There's just no doubt. If I were to pre-emptively say in the MC session that I'm tired of it, I'm done, I'm getting a separation agreement drawn up, separating the checking account, and moving out with family (and then do so), it would be a big reality check for her. If there were ever any hope for R down the road, it would be kick-started by this. To be honest, I don't know if the trust deficit that now exists could ever be restored. But me getting out of the house would help further my detachment, which is currently coming along.
I know it seems to be generally recommended that the cheater and the one who wants the D should be the one to go, but she has no local options and has stated in the past that she wouldn't leave the kids. Thanks for any thoughts or suggestions!
