It is once they know about it. That’s why so many of us suffered in the dark for so long - because the people who knew didn’t think it was their place to tell us, or weren’t brave enough to tell us.
Was it my son's responsibility to tell me his Dad was banging someone else? He knew 4/24/15. I found out two years ago this week.
He had zero responsibility in that $h!t$how.
The h3ll of it is, he also had no one to bring this information to, so he could get help processing it. His godfather, who certainly knew, did not check on him, did not help him, did not step up in any way, shape or form. No one helped him with this. He was alone and you know exactly what the end result of that was for my boy.
Do I think my son's godfather, who told me for over 20 years that I was family, should have told me the truth? Actually, no. The person who should have told me the truth was exh. The responsibility began and ended with the guy who stood at an altar 28 years ago (yesterday, actually) and exchanged vows with me before God and everyone else who was important to us.
Do I think his godfather should have stepped up for my son?
Absolutely. It's shameful to take that responsibility for a kid and not follow through. That's what I hold my ex-friend accountable for, not anything relating to me and exh and our divorce.
Someone (Ginger) needs to walk little G through this, but the marriage and fallout of betrayal here is not between Ginger, Little G, exh and AP/current wife.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
It is once they know about it. That’s why so many of us suffered in the dark for so long - because the people who knew didn’t think it was their place to tell us, or weren’t brave enough to tell us.
It's not the responsibility of the world to insert themselves in the private business between a husband and a wife. There's something truly unseemly about that, imho.
The issue here is clear: Little G is upset that her dad is cheating on his wife. This is about little G and her dad. Truly, the wife is tangential to that. The focus needs to be on Little G and minimizing the damage to her, both short and long term.
Adults can take care of themselves.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I agree that people deserve to know but I do not think a child is the one to tell and if G is working with her and a therapist to process it all then that does NOT make little G complicit in the affair. I stand firm in my position that children should not be put in the middle of adult issues. If G wants to tell, well, G is a grown woman so more power to her but I will continue to believe that it is G’s XH’s responsibility, and his alone, to tell the secret. Making G or little G responsible, in any way, for informing wife 2, is beyond cruel, in my opinion.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
And I agree with everything bttrfly said, adults can take care of adults, but G’s main priority is taking care of little G and helping her get through this mess with as little damage as possible.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
And I agree with everything bttrfly said, adults can take care of adults, but G’s main priority is taking care of little G and helping her get through this mess with as little damage as possible.
that's what I was trying to say, but you put it so much more succinctly Dawn. Thank you.
I think there will be less short and long term damage to little G if she and Ginger stay out of the middle of the $h!t$torm that's to come between Daddy0 and wife #2.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
