Single tired female too

[bttrfly]

I get the worth of D feeling responsible for the breakup of the marriage. But I disagree totally on not telling the wife. She deserves to have agency in her own life and this is pretty important knowledge for her to have.

How would you feel if you told him and NOT her, only to find out he used that time to empty the bank accounts or otherwise mess with her financially.

We will have to agree to disagree here K.

I asked myself how would I feel if my son came to me with this information. I sat with that and really pondered it. I will tell you straight up how what I came away with - like this is none of my business except for how it affects my child. This is not G's mess. Not her pig, not her farm. She already went through a divorce with this guy. This is his mess and their (his and his wife's) relationship, not G's. She has zero responsibility or accountability to either of these people.

So how would I feel if he wiped the wife out financially? I certainly wouldn't feel responsible for anything. Like every other couple who gets married, these two - maybe more than most couples - were aware of divorce rates, cheating statistics, and still they married. What happens between them is just that - between them. She's a big girl - she's a lawyer. I'm sure she could nail his body parts and anything else she wanted to the wall in discovery. This is just not any of Ginger's business except for how it affects little G.

And frankly - it's past time for Ginger to have the ability to step back here and let the chips fall where they may with these two adults. She's been forced to be in a prolonged relationship with each of these people and has done it with so much dignity and grace. I don't think any of us ever stop long enough to remember that, or more importantly, tell Ginger how proud we are of her for taking the highest of the high roads for little G's sake with these two.

Boundaries are for us, not just them and to me, this is a huge boundary I wouldn't cross.

Responsibility here begins and ends with little G's welfare. This is about little G and her relationship with her father, first and foremost. Her father needs to be held absolutely accountable by Ginger for what his affair is doing to little G. I think if little G has a chance to confront her dad with a therapist it will accomplish a few things:
1. gives little G courage and strength to get this out in the open with her dad
2. provide a safe place for little G to confront him with a neutral party mediating the fallout
3. have a professional present who can call big Daddy on his gaslighting BS, should he go that route.

I know we do not agree on this. I respect your opinion. I also feel very strongly about mine here.