I am glad you are seeking help with this. It's complicated. And it's awful. There are so many people that are impacted by lies and infidelity. Seeing this reality of her dad will unfortunately force her to in some ways realize that people will let her down in life. That is an awful lesson to learn but also empowering to be able to learn from it with loving support. And how to handle it in healthy ways.
I agree that his current partner needs to know. Maybe the counseling will help with this and advise the best way to encourage him to come clean to her (versus your daughter feeling like it is left up to her to either tell her or pretend she doesn't know). She will need boundaries that are there for her through this whole process... I'm so sorry. She is lucky to have you as her mom. ((hugs))...
As for the previous convo about dating the guy who is still in the divorce process. There are many reasons why people will date while still not technically divorced yet. I agree that you have to look for each scenario individually and it is different for everyone. I would just keep your eyes wide open for red flags as others mentioned.
The harder part in my mind (at least that I'm thinking about) is about how to 'see' someone early in the relationship/dating process. I've been following different dating podcasts and one idea struck me as very true. When you first meet someone, you are meeting their 'representative'...in the sense that this person is the person that is trying to show you their best parts. It's not until later that you begin to see the actual person when they start to relax or the real parts peek through the facade. This is why one idea is to date for 10-15 dates before you even get intimate. Get to the point of really seeing who this person is (hopefully in some scenarios that show cracks in the perfect facade) before you get too emotionally invested...which they say intimacy leads us to quickly, especially women. Anyway, not saying that I think you are doing anything wrong by being intimate with the guys you have been dating. I'm just mentioning this as another way to take things slow and to give ample opportunity to see who this guy is and if his 'real self' shows the traits you are searching for. And that still means having fun with the process! Just some ideas to noodle...
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
