What would he do differently? He said he ignored so many red flags. He had long term relationship that had ended (not right before they met) and he felt his marital clock ticking I guess, and he said he really would have paid attention the red flags. And he can say now he believes in marriage and would absolutely do it again.
Hmm... seems to me based on HIS behavior... he can't be single. It also looks like he's doing it again. Can you see the pattern?
That doesn't mean to not have fun... it means to guard your heart appropriately. There is a reason why people jump from person to person. Keep an eye out for it.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
We both had short term marriages, we didnt get a chance to dirty our side of the street too heavily. We didn;t have our years and years of resentment to build up and blow up a marriage. We married people we knew we shouldnt.
I was married to my xw for 3 years.. which would be considered a short marriage but trust me... I dirtied my side plenty.
I think people get very confused with "keeping our side of the street clean" and "red flags". For me.. my side of the street was dirty not necessarily because of what I was doing to my XW... but because of what I was doing to MYSELF. How I was neglecting my own needs at the expense of hers (which was my choice not hers). How I stuffed my feelings down (again my choice not hers). My choices were affecting me SO much there is no way in h3ll they weren't affecting her too. Did it make her decisions okay... certainly not... but just like me... she was doing the best she could with the tools she had at that time.
Keeping your side of the street clean is a constant in life.. for every relationship.. not just romantic. It's a chore that will always require maintenance.
Same thing with red flags. The struggle isn't in seeing them in other people.. but more so in seeing them in ourselves and giving ourselves boundaries to protect our hearts.
I asked the question to see if he was able to see the part he played. Saying he had the "marriage clock" is hardly an answer... but I accept it is his truth.... not something I would chase after.. but I'm an odd bird for sure.
You think you are very rare on this board... but we all are...in our own way. There aren't many lesbians marriages failing apart on this board (thank god). For me - Reading LH's thread on OLD and the primal nature of men and woman is like reading the funnies over my morning cup of coffee.
Good Luck G... I'm always rooting for ya girl.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
