Thanks for the input, BL42. Sounds like there's definitely a common theme around this board with what I'm living through.
I definitely feel like I'm in a place of strength now. To be honest, I was ready to pull the rip cord on D about a month ago, but finances and me not wanting to be the one to leave, plus my IC posing some thoughts on my preparedness to do so made me pause. I also got caught up in the template for dealing with a MLC rather than focusing on the EA.
I fear W and I may wind up in a stalemate over who moves out. Even if she gets one of the higher paying jobs she's applied for, I can't see her being the one to leave. Perhaps after consulting with a lawyer I could get a separation agreement drawn up wherein I'm not considered abandoning the household, and live free with nearby family while the separation clock starts ticking. Top concern would probably be getting the finances separated ahead of this breast augmentation procedure.
I don't know if I really see a path to R at this point. In this day and age with smartphones, I feel I'll never be able to trust W again. Part of my problem the last few months was that my brain would just play a loop of greatest hits when I thought about the relationship. Then I would consider the financial hit of D, effect on the children, and what the marriage currently looked like. I guess it didn't feel terrible if I pretended nothing awful was taking place on the phone. MWD wrote in DR that during a MLC there would be times that felt normal, like days of old, that would be enough to keep you going. And yet...
Here's an interesting tidbit that I'm almost embarrassed to admit. I met W while she was separated from her first husband. It was an abusive relationship with the high school / college boyfriend which resulted in a shotgun wedding. In retrospect, a clear monkeybranching scenario. But, I fell in love with her and raised her two kids as my own. Was it perfect? No. But it certainly wasn't in the territory of the narcissism and control stuff she tried to throw out there as justification after sessions with her IC. Again, definitely trying to validate leaving in her own head. BL42, I agree with the comment about only surrounding oneself with friends who will affirm leaving the husband. W's stable of divorced friends seems to have grown exponentially the past few months.
I'm wondering if I should just use the MC session to air some thoughts on D. I mean, I'd almost prefer a referee of sorts rather than have these conversations in the bedroom with possibly raised voices and the kids nearby. As much as I may want to stealth this whole thing, I don't know if that's feasible. Funnily enough, W has noticed me being standoffish (more like aloof in a neutral way) and has sought me out multiple times the past few days. I don't doubt for a millisecond she's in over her head with this whole thing and will badly miss my help and companionship. Again, I'm not sure what a path to R would be with trust shattered. Sometimes, what gets broken doesn't go back together again.
BL42, would you mind giving me a Cliffs notes version of how your situation shook out? I'm sure you have threads somewhere but I'm still making my way through Steve's. Thanks again.
