Running out of steam!

[COG]

Suit,

Good to hear from you. My situation continues to improve. Just coming back to this thread and reading my old posts to you gives me a great reference.

I have done very well with the 180's we discussed back in June. I am about 100% on all of them. I slip once in awhile on asking her to get back together. I'm about 95% on that one and I'm getting better at it. I am also getting better at being me, and at staying warm and composed when she gets a little wacky.

I took an 18 day vacation in July; toured NYC for a few days then on to Italy for two weeks. It was a fantastic trip. W and kids drove me to my sister's house near the airport. We exchanged warm goodbyes and then I did'nt call home until I was back in the airport 18 days later. I sent some postcards with general travel conversations but nothing deeper.

I was a little nervous about what the reaction might be when I got home but was pleasantly surprised. They all missed me terribly. W did too. She was warmer than ever when I got home. The kids told me I could never go away again for more than one day. It felt good to be missed.

That trip was kind of an awakening for me. It made me a stronger individual. I realizee I can have fun on my own.

Anyway, the warmth did'nt progress into heat. It cooled off a little over the summer, but our friendship is still better than ever. We both agree that we are closer to having the relationship we both want than we were six months ago.

She did a couple of things that were very inconsiderate to me a month or so ago. Most times I would just forgive her and not make a big deal out of it, but you know, I'm tired of taking her petty BS.

I let her know that her actions were'nt OK with me. I did'nt react to it immediately. I took a day and formulated my concerns then we had the confrontation. I stood my ground and fought, instead of running away and hiding. I earned some respect that day.

My W is a very busy person. She even admits sometimes she keeps busy so she does'nt have to face her problems. We tend to disconnect when we don't spend some alone time together just in conversation. I let her know that it was'nt OK with me. I am to the point where I know that I can live without her, that I am ready to D anytime she is, that I need more in my life, that I totally respect her and understand that she can't love me completely, that I forgive her, that I love our freindship and appreciate her effort for trying to make our marriage work, but I need more. I have presented this to her in a way that I feel is not controlling because I really mean it, and she knows it. I communicated it to her in a nonconfrontational, matter of fact way.

I think my honesty has helped. I guess you can consider it a 180 on neglecting MY wants and needs. She has come closer to me since I opened up. Her hugs are warmer and more frequent, we laugh more, we tickle and tease each other a little. She asks me to hang on and not give up.

During the past few months, we have spent several weekends away together, with the kids. She says that she is really encouraged and uplifted by our weekends away. I think she feels these might be a window to what it might be like if we were living together.

Just got back from a weekend in SF last night. As we said our goodbyes last night she thanked me, gave me a warm smile and hug and said "another great weekend together". Our weekends together have become very relaxed, and fulfilling. The opposite of the stress, anxiety, and frustration that used to exist.

In summary, I am more in love with her than I was 6 months ago, and I think she could say the same about me. Our time spent together is more peaceful, relaxed, and overall more fulfilling than it was six months ago. While neither one of us knows how this will end, we will both accept D if necessary but we are both still hopeful that we can work through this. Our goal is not to just "get back" together, but to creat a new "real" relationship. One that has friendship, honesty, passion, and joy as the foundation. We keep working one day, one moment, at a time! We're getting closer I think.

God Bless You, and how is your sitch?

COG