Thanks, Steve. Many words of wisdom there. I'm currently staying as busy as possible and giving the W a wide berth. Again, I'm not sure how much focus should be on the EA part (what little I know) vs the overall MLC. MWD's chapter on midlife crisis in DR touched upon several familiar happenings. Granted, the EA situation is wrong, of course, but if my goal was to avoid divorce, the MLC may be playing a larger role. W has several classic indicators of a MLC -
* unresolved childhood hurts/disappointments * lack of career success * feelings of nostalgia * empty nest syndrome (second child about to leave for college, though we still have 3 at home)
There are probably others. I forgot to mention that she got a tattoo, wants a nose ring (and probably another tattoo), has widened her circle of friends and of course the breast enhancement. Yesterday she started talking about tummy tucks. All this physical improvement stuff seems to point toward MLC.
I hear you on cancelling the MC. I guess I'm curious about what path it will take. Much like what you described in your 2018 thread, things in the home aren't that bad. We're raising our kids, on civil terms and communicating, doing a few things together (though not much at all compared to the past), and having regular adult relations. I mean, aside from angry feelings that creep in at times where I wonder about the depth and scope of the EA, it's not a bad domestic existence.
An interesting note is that W views her mom as a bit of a failure who never amounted to enough in life. She's shared with me that that's why she's gotten into running distance events like half-marathons - to prove to herself that she can do things like that. Also the reason she's gunning for a more career-oriented job. None of this fits in with monkeybranching to another relationship.
I do like your inclusion of the advice from AnotherStander. I'm not trying to be too nice, but being emotionally distant played a role in landing where I am today. I probably have a situation where employing DB/GAL too far would push her further away- "Why haven't I left this guy yet? He's never around."
