Thanks for your response. W and I are both 43. Sex life is good. Never really had a dropoff there, though I was a little dispirited to read Sandi's comments in SteveLW's thread from 2018 about a woman using her H as fantasy vessel for living out sexual fantasies of her EA partner. Who knows if that happened with me. Probably so. Definitely had some rare occasions of morning sex during this time frame.
One question I have with DBing and detaching is that I was probably somewhat emotionally absent for my wife at times. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily agree but perception is reality. So, I just wonder if it would be counterproductive to be aloof but friendly. She asked me today why I was being "standoffish." As for my question - I used to make little creative cards filled with lines about funny things in our lives and leave them for my W. It was a hallmark of our courtship and continued for years, though it tailed off. I am past the "oh shoot" segment of lovebombing where a H sees he could lose W; things have calmed down, especially since I read DR. Yet, I've made her a handful of cards the past few months. She loves it (cake-eating, I'm sure, yet...). The other day she mentioned something like "if we stay married, it'll be because of those cards you make me" (probably temperature checking). I was just wondering if this might be something that helps recreate an emotional bond. Yes, it could be called pursuit. I dunno. I think the MLC is more a threat than the EA. You know, wife wants to change things up, identifies H as a target, figures life would be perfect with him out of the picture, therefore - D!
