I lot of the time people end up here because they spent the relationship invalidating the WS’ feelings. Accept that your H was hurting which lead him to do what he did. Is it a good excuse for his behavior? Nope. Is it fair that he hurt you worse? Nope. I always tell LBS that when they choose to reconcile and it is questionable whether there is remorse they are going to have to eat a lot of $hit sandwiches. Does that $uck? Yep.
I get the feeling you want to punish him for what he did to you. Is there truth in it?