6 month old baby and upcoming divorce

[BL42]

Newborn,

So I'm still self blaming, and my IC is still asking me why I self blame so much.

Good you recognize it. Keep working on it. Don't let his words and actions ruin your self worth.

I was also the one who told him I didn't want to be intimate any more and he said "Well I like being intimate with you but my decision is final and we don't have to continue if you don't feel comfortable" like isn't that the stupidest thing ever?

He may actually be being completely honest and transparent with you here. Remember how WAS/WS like cake-eating? He's telling you in a straightforward manner that he likes having sex with you, but that does not mean he's changed his mind about having a relationship with you. There are many WAS/WS out there who are perfectly happy using the LBS for sex, or companionship, or favors...etc., while not wanting to give up their affair or separation/D. Not saying it's right, but it's common. So, you might consider taking him at his word on this one. BUT, know your boundaries and enforce them. If having sex with him knowing he still wants to leave you doesn't make you comfortable (and it shouldn't), then don't.

The ex has been in IC for years but I even told my own IC I don't know what she's doing to help him? I mean, shouldn't an IC call out someone making their wife hide their pregnancy, or refusing to tell their own parents until 6 wks before delivery? Shouldn't the IC have also called out him spending 12+ hr days with a 24 year old when he had a newborn at home?

You don't know what the IC is telling him. For all you know his IC might be advising him on all the items you listed, but he's completely ignoring the advice. I remember my ExW mentioned in one of our (3) MC sessions she had a big disagreement with her IC one session. Complete speculation on my part, but always wondered if her IC was pushhing back on her affair and plans to divorce me and break up our family for our two young kids and that was why my then-ExW had a rough session with her. Who knows. It's natural to speculate and wonder, but the quicker you can move to focusing on what you can control the better.

He kept saying he didn't want to pretend to be happy when people congratulated him so we had to keep it secret.

Making you hide your pregnancy? That gives me creepy true crime murder show vibes.

Completely agree. Scumbag move for sure. Remember he's showing you who he really is, so believe it.