WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont12.)

[SteveLW]

My son is pushing his limits on a regular basis. I asked him about the pube trimmer. He said him, my daughter, and my Ex were watching shark tank when it came on and he made a joke that he wanted it. He said he was surprised that mom got it for him. In isolation I can take one thing she does and justify it, but when I add it all up it begins to be a lot. Anyhow, I've moved on from that for now and I would say there is a current peace with the ex.

All our accounts have been split except for one old pension that I'm not going to deal with (I worked to split all the accounts and she did not help at all). Her attorney was supposed to provide the QDRO for the pension and hasn't.

I've got all the payments for child support, spousal support, and a loan I owe her set up to be automated - so though I'm aware of all of it, I'm not actually paying them actively.

I'm still angry about all of it, even though I think I'm happier, freer, and have better relationships with the kids. I've done a lot of work over the past two years on connecting with my feelings and though I'd like to move past it (and I continue to work on it), I just feel angry. I assume that will continue for some time.

Things are just harder being divorced - not having a division of labor.

Other than that, I continue to enjoy my freedom. I took the kids on a vacation to Bermuda, which was a lot of fun. And I have some other things coming up.

I'm still trying to figure out how to balance work and kids and my own social life. That is definitely harder, and I know this is an area where most single parents struggle. I'm still trying to figure out how to find success in the area of balance - but that's hard.

Anyhow, it'd been a while. Thought I'd say hello. Kids are doing really good. I'm doing good - just struggling with balance.

Hey Scott. Good update. Appreciate the candidness on your feelings looking back with some anger. I think that is normal. Obviously, I have never been through it, but I have had plenty of people close to me and I think there is usually a bit of anger and bitterness that the LBS feels. Especially because in a lot of cases they were going along thinking everything was fine then got hit out of the blue with a divorce bomb drop or their WAS being unfaithful. I've been on record before here that a really good friend that suffered from type 1 diabetes passed away 2 years after finding out his wife was cheating and leaving him for the AP. The stress and anguish caused his diabetes to go out of control and he slipped into a diabetic coma and passed away. I still miss him every day. So anyone that tries to tell me that D isn't full of stress is full of it.

I've also gone on record as saying that R isn't a bed of roses either. The work and effort it took to get back to a level of trust and togetherness was long and arduous. It certainly was not all unicorns and rainbows. And I've even struggled with looking back and times and wondering if saving it was the right choice, or whether I should have just pulled the ripcord myself. After the initial shock and panic, and the struggling with the loss of feeling in control over my life, I had started to get used to the idea of Ding and having that freedom that you speak of. Now, 4 years on that feeling is mostly gone, but that first couple of years there were a lot of times I almost regretted having fought so hard to save things. I documented my struggles with that in my threads.

The goodness is that you have a level head on your shoulders and continue to do things the right way. And you have your faith to lean on too! You've got this, and with the passage of more time I think you will get to a place where you are ready to move on with someone new. I think you will find someone that is worthy of your love and respect, and your EX will be full of regrets about letting you get away.