And I've been in therapy - ex had told me I needed it, a job like mine is difficult in many ways, and it's been helpful.
Therapy can be very helpful, so I'm not in any way saying to stop, but also don't take to heart everything your Ex says. It's not uncommon for a WAS/WS to say the LBS needs therapy to gaslight them into thinking it's all the LBS's fault. It's very possible, perhaps likely, it's the WAS/WS that needs the IC more than the LBS. Again, keep up with therapy if it's helping you...but also don't let your Ex make you believe it's all your fault.
Thank you so much BL, that's so validating. And you're right - ex did say esp at the beginning I wasn't emotionally available enough, and thus he needed to find friendship/connection elsewhere. So I'm still self blaming, and my IC is still asking me why I self blame so much. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with what ex said at the beginning, not to mention other female MD colleagues of mine have said it really beautifully: "We feel like failures when things fall apart" since we take everything personally: patient's deaths, poor outcomes, even our own relationships.
The ex has been in IC for years but I even told my own IC I don't know what she's doing to help him? I mean, shouldn't an IC call out someone making their wife hide their pregnancy, or refusing to tell their own parents until 6 wks before delivery? He kept saying he didn't want to pretend to be happy when people congratulated him so we had to keep it secret. Shouldn't the IC have also called out him spending 12+ hr days with a 24 year old when he had a newborn at home? I was also the one who told him I didn't want to be intimate any more and he said "Well I like being intimate with you but my decision is final and we don't have to continue if you don't feel comfortable" like isn't that the stupidest thing ever?
I mean I just don't see improvement in his behavior I guess.
