Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

Hi all,
Hope you are having a great week with the Holiday in US.
I just came back from a business trip to Istanbul and wanted to post. W and I had our honeymoon in Istanbul and I thought the whole trip would be painful. It wasn´t, I tried t focus on my new colleagues, walking around the city as the attractive single man I have become and enjoying the differences in the culture. This time memories or thoughts or sadness did not overwhelmed me as they did in Munich.

A quick update on the PIES.

P- Getting much better at crossfit again and almost ready for new running competitions. I have an ugly scar below my knee after the accident but it seems to be nothing that will affect or compromise my future. Goals on keeping a healthy diet, top hygiene, improving crossfit PRs, daily sexual kung fu, marathon under 3:30 and 5 kg up on muscle mass.

I- I have received more responsibility at the new job, my manager told me people like and respect me so I have to keep working to become a greater leader but things look promising. I keep reading my books, now finishing again "Light her fire" (refreshing what women enjoy from us - confidende, imagination, playfulness, initiative, goals, sensitivity and so on...) and about to start again "What women want when they test men". Trying to improve my driving skills (using the car at the racetrack is just incredible, I attended another event at Jerez with a good friend and we had the time of our lives, shame oil price makes it a once in a while hobby). Looking into potential real state investments in Seville or Madrid but waiting for the D to be final to move any funds into investments (yes, have not heard from W´s lawyer yet). I think I am going to trade my daily driver for a 5 door car to give S3 and S8 more space, just another goal for 2023.

E- Focused on active listening and respecting other people. the more I think about my early reactions during S, the more I feel W must have thought I felt zero respect towards her. Working on detachment, letting exW go and validating her feelings that our M was very deficient (the more I learn the more I see this but the more convinced I am I was focused on providing and the kids and I am able to make any woman in the world the happiest with my new understanding of relationships and genders).

S - Keep coming here talking to you all, talking to God and ensuring I work on my thoughts when I doubt my progress and changes. Be more social and open, work on my self esteem and losing the fear to meet and interact with any woman. Thinking in terms of abundance, getting but my masculinity, sexuality and power.

Pack_19,
That's good. I'm sure S3 and S8 want their parents there, like the other kids. I recently attended a school art show night during my ExW's evening for dinner, and the four of us saw my son's school and art and walked around together. It felt uncomfortable for me. And I wondered what others thought - did they know we're D'd? did they think we were a normal happy family? However, it was best for my son to have both parents be there and take pride in his efforts. So I did it for him.

Thank you for the validation BL42, I dont think you could have expressed how I feel with better words. When these situations happen I find myself remembering the day one of S8 nursery teachers in Germany told us we had such a lovely family. W did not show up at the school party so I was there with S3 and S8 and talking to other parents.

You've been crushing it with your PIES. Those goals are fantastic. Keep it up.

My goals, my children and the feeling that this time will pass, it is all I have now.

Are you in IC? This sounds like something a professional should help you with.

I stopped IC when I took up crossfit, but I will find a new IC and will discuss this with him/her. Thanks a lot for your support.

Just think about your Sexual Kung Fu! That has to bring you confidence ;-)

I am very scared that the moment I can focus back on my career and rebuild my life, the mistakes I made with W might repeat. But you are right, the new found respect, confidence and the motivation of knowing you are taking time and effort to improve as a man change it all. Last weekend at my friends bday in a beach club I approached a woman I liked and engaged in some conversation with her. I could really tell she was also into me, I invited her to a drink and got her number. She told me I was a chatterbox and she was having a great time.

Think about how much progress you've made in this area. So much begging, pleading, pursuit in the past. Now you're calm and in control. That in itself is a major accomplishment for you.

Now it just feels natural to not invest my time on people who are not interested on it. I cannot believe how stupid I was at the beginning of S, constantly checking the phone, thinking what W was up to... I have grown so much, and mostly thanks to this board.

Maybe she really is happier without me in her life
Maybe she is. Maybe she will be forever, or maybe she won't be in the future. Who knows. All you can do if focus on yourself. Which, imo, you're doing a very good job of lately.

You weren't a fool for wanting your marriage to work and not wanting your family to split. You were honorable in that regard. But there comes a time you have to let go, control what you can control, and move forward. You know in your heart you did everything you could for your marriage and family.

thank you, I did try my best, even when I was doing all my changes for W it was poor understanding of how this game works. last week I had a crossfit competition, then we had some drinks in the afternoon and I told some guys my story as they asked me if I had kids. two divorced ones with children were amazed that I was so young and had gone through these. One of them said: "Pack, when you want to talk come to me, I will understand you. He said, the sadness when you leave them will never disappear, for me I still cry at home. Sometimes music triggers a memory when my son was a baby and it still affects me." He also told me I had to accept the war against W to gain children favour was already lost, that all I had to do is focus on me and the kids and force myself to think "I cannot let this woman destroy my life anymore, no matter what she does, I will not let it impact my happiness".

Just keep moving forward Pack. You've made incredible progress over the last couple years. Keep up the work. You have a great future ahead.

This is a marathon to become the best man I can be, and the best role model for S3 and S8. thank you, I am always so happy to come back to the board.