Today STBX came over and we took the baby out for the local parade. He offered to carry the kiddo so I could relax and then we went to brunch where he held the baby the whole time. We laughed and talked about our travels - since a certain president got elected we had spent all 4th of July's abroad - and how weird it was to be here for the 4th.

He didn't try to hug me or make physical contact with me at all. He seems completely chill with me spending time with other people, including other men (talked about going to a guy friend's place the other day).

He talked about going on a guys' trip again, maybe a "destination trip" this time. He has a small group of friends he plays D&D with and they will go on trips where they'll mostly play D&D and do a small thing like hike or something. I remember how stoked he'd be about prepping and looking at places for trips with the guys but getting him to go with me abroad - including the places we discussed - was like pulling teeth.

I remember one time getting upset with how much effort he put into trips with them when he wouldn't for ours, and him saying "Well I'm willing to go with you places too." Another time he admitted "I would rather spend time with other people than you to be honest".

He doesn't say that stuff anymore and talked about how much fun it was to go out on this outing today. It just really doesn't make sense! I know I sound like a broken record but why wouldnt' you fight for custody at all for the son that you didn't want but you love? Why wouldn't you try to make a marriage work if there's love there? He's been in therapy for years but his therapist was a-okay with him hiding the pregnancy for 6 months, not telling his parents until like 6 weeks before the baby was due. It doesn't matter I guess, and there's no point in trying to be in his head.

The more I DB the more I get it though. This distancing really isn't to try to get him back, it's just for me to fully move on. I don't want to be sitting around hoping he changes his mind. It's not fair to any of us.

It really may be best for me to just not hang out with the STBX at all anymore.