Originally Posted by AnnKay
This sounds like my (STBX) H. He complains that he was never given his space, he wanted to do things for himself and somehow I (and his child) stopped him. I was also accused of being suspicious that he would cheat on me (which he did anyway). I have just accepted that he had red flags that I didn't take seriously throughout the relationship and he was just not fit for a relationship for me.
What took a while for me to 'let go' was the idea that our 13 year relationship was dead; with it include all of the time, feelings, the shared experiences and all that I invested in it. Once I learned to separate the person from the relationship, it was a little easier to let go.

AnnKay, thanks so much for replying - I know your time is precious and i appreciate it all the more.

You're so right. I think my problem is that his mean energy has turned around quite a bit. Now he's seeming to be warmer again, more similar to when he was a husband. He seems to enjoy spending time with us so what gives? Maybe he's just not attracted to me anymore? He still has this wall up I guess. It feels like he's really done, and I'm just some part of his past to him. He can talk warmly about our past, including vacations and such.

But that's a really good way of looking at it: The 13 year relationship is dead, over and done. Maybe this is kind of like the ghost of him.

Originally Posted by AnnKay
Take it easy on yourself. It is all part of the process. I get the roller coaster too, but I realise that maybe when I miss anything, I miss the stability and the comfort of the relationship. I don't miss the insecurities, the cheating and betrayal of the individual I had the relationship with.
You deserve better than your WAH, and life will get better.


Thank you. You're right overall. He never had a PA, just one-sided EA (more like infatuations, and when he developed these are when he would bomb drop) so I keep thinking maybe he's a better guy than the other ones on here. If the women had feelings for him would it have been a full blown EA or PA? Who knows, maybe.

But no matter what: None of us deserve to feel like we're second best, or live in that hell of someone trying to decide if you're worth sticking around for.

Really proud of you for moving on and being so strong for your kiddos.