Hi Newborn, sorry if I missed some details of your sitch. I am sorry to hear about your situation and what you are going through. It is never easy but you sound like you are getting there.
Originally Posted by Newborn
Then while he's here I can't help but to think - am I crazy? Clingy? Is everyone else on this board dealing with a WAW/WAH and I just 'can't let go'?

But then I look back at him being like "I don't want to be a father, I'm going to go on trips with my young friends, and try to hook up with 25 yr olds, and quit my job and become a personal trainer" and think ok maybe it's not all just in my head. Also the stuff he did while in the relationship - diminish me to not being as fun as his friends or not being as deep as him, accuse me of 'always thinking he would cheat on me' (which was never the case but he was falling into the EA at that time so obviously some projection), the abrupt change from kind/normal husband to cold shoulder/insulting/ditch me etc, maybe it's not just all in my head.

This sounds like my (STBX) H. He complains that he was never given his space, he wanted to do things for himself and somehow I (and his child) stopped him. I was also accused of being suspicious that he would cheat on me (which he did anyway). I have just accepted that he had red flags that I didn't take seriously throughout the relationship and he was just not fit for a relationship for me.
What took a while for me to 'let go' was the idea that our 13 year relationship was dead; with it include all of the time, feelings, the shared experiences and all that I invested in it. Once I learned to separate the person from the relationship, it was a little easier to let go.

Originally Posted by Newborn
Who knows. But I'm like a ping pong ball, hoping he'll turn around to hoping find someone else to thinking there IS noone else to thinking I don't want to be with him and then I want to be with him?

I know y'all talk about the roller coaster but I was hoping it'd get much better. Of course a few days ago my post was like "I don't miss him at all!", so maybe there is truth to that.

Take it easy on yourself. It is all part of the process. I get the roller coaster too, but I realise that maybe when I miss anything, I miss the stability and the comfort of the relationship. I don't miss the insecurities, the cheating and betrayal of the individual I had the relationship with.
You deserve better than your WAH, and life will get better.