Mach - I'm so sorry for your loss. As you know, I nursed my boyfriend through his 3 1/2 year battle with stage 4 lung cancer and he passed in December. It's so tough, but it also teaches you to live each day, right?
Ginger - sounds like you might be dating a Love Avoidant. How about just seeing him for fun and sex while continuing to look for a better match? I wish I had one of my old Love Avoidant dates available to me now. (And oddly, one just got married, one has been in a LTR with the high school GF he dumped me for, and the third has ghosted me but who knows, maybe he's in a new relationship too? So I guess even Love Avoidants can get into relationships sometimes. ) As long as you keep the mindset that he's just temporary and he's not doing enough for you, you retain the power in that relationship.
As for the rest - G, your self-talk is your worst enemy. I know it sounds goofy, but you need to be saying positive affirmations to yourself and make a vision board. Practice saying things like "I'm a f-ing ray of sunshine!" (Lol - this is what an old boyfriend told me when I was dating that first Love Avoidant guy - that I was a ray of sunshine and always was. So when Love Avoidant guy was avoiding me, I told myself "What's his problem? I'm a F-ING ray of SUNSHINE!!!!!" Sure helped my mood lolol.)
