I’m going to chip in some of my experience being the step-mom and how that plays out with the child support situation. At least how it did for me.
My XH was the higher earner and we had the kids 50% of the time. His XW was single and a lower earner. She took us to mediation to get more child support after two previous times not receiving more when my XH was single. I was also told that my income as a step-mom does not come into play, but that is not entirely true. When the calculations were done, it affected the calculations by the way of his shared expenses (his expense portions decreased because I helped pay for them). So the fact that he had help with his expenses provided the court the way to allow more child support to go to his XW. So, if you have records of these trips he is taking, and you have records of your expenses thus far (along with any other records that show the weight you are pulling versus your XH), I strongly suggest you discuss it with a lawyer and pursue a child support modification. They will pull in his Ws information as well into the calculations (or at least I had to provide all my info into the process as well). In your case, you are working extra hard to do your part. In our case, his XW who was college educated but choose to work in a very low paying job, got a large increase from us because my XH and I both made a solid income (I did not graduate from college but I did work my way up to a very solid income level). In your case, you deserve to get whatever the court can calculate as fair with a fair “modification” of split based on your 70/30 time in your household.
As for the past agreement you had about daycare and 50/50 split…I don’t see how that applies anymore as your D is no longer in daycare. What has changed is the cost of raising your D has increased due to age, the inflation and costs of everything have gone up, and your child support is based on figures from who knows how long ago…all while your XH hardly contributes and goes on vacations. And you continue to struggle because you don’t want to rock the boat.
How is obtaining the support your XH should be providing rocking the boat? Instead, you are allowing him to let your ship take on water and barely float? If getting your XH to do the minimum of what is required affects your relationship with him, that is on him. How is what he is doing to you right now fair to you or your D?
And it’s never too late…our change in custody occurred when the kids were in high school. In that new agreement, you can also include any changes you want to make in regards to college. In our case, we had the kids pay 50% of their own college and the parents split the other 50%. And also put into the agreement how certain expenses over a certain amount need to be agreed upon in advance so that he just doesn’t make decisions without you on things and then send you the bill. And discuss anything else that might be missing with your L.
Sure it’s unpleasant. Sure it might cause some difficulties in dealing with your XH. But what is going on is not fair to you, you are exhausted trying to manage it all, and it’s only fair that your XH do his part…even if he is the lesser earner. This is for your D. You can remind him of that when he objects…which of course he will…he’s had it so easy for so long now.
Anyway, that is my two cents.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
