I honestly can’t explain why our sexual chemistry is so good. I think sometimes it something that can’t be explained. It all just clicks. On that level. And guess what. No 6 pack, no 6 figures. And he is 5’8 on a good day ( I’m 5’3 and don’t need tall) . As for the emotional Connection ? Partially my walls and partially his. I know he isn’t ready or perhaps even capable of something serious right now. And I don’t want to get burned in that situation myself. So I’m sure are a bit emotionally unavailable to eachother . Dude hasn’t reached out in 3 days. At all. This is what he did the last time . It would go like 5 days and I would reach out and he would respond right away. I communicated how I felt About that, but nothing changed and we parted ways. This time around I probably won’t say anything about it and just go about my business.
Actually, I did make the decision yesterday I am going to talk to him about the child support. I never readdressed it, and part of it was not wanting to rock the boat, and the other part is pride. But this is ridiculous. $88 a week in this economy and k have our kid most of the time ? It’s becoming crazy expensive. Teen girls cost money! She wants to hang out with friends, go to the mall, the movies, activities. I’m the one who gives her cash. She needs clothes which aren’t from childrens place anymore. Haircuts which are adult woman hair cut costs that I pay for. Feminine stuffs that I pay for. Underwear, bras, I pay for. She isn’t make up crazy but uses some. Does her nails every 3 weeks which I split with her. She’s a good kid and I’m not going to cut this stuff off. It’s basics, it’s not overboard and she deserves it. She babysits when she can, she uses her own money on non necessities. She really wants a job, but it’s tough at her age. She only Comes to me things. And not for nothing that whopping &88 per week isn’t even for that stuff. Child support is to put a roof over her head and food on the table. That doesn’t make a dent. I stay where I am for her to attend school. I’ve made all the sacrifice, he hasn’t made any . So I decided to kindly sit down and explain the situation. I will give him a choice. Either we file the paper work or we can agree on an amount. And I’d only ask for $100 more per month. He should be able to swing that. I can’t let this go any longer.
Anyways, he got his job because my dad and my stepmother have the state job he has now. They got him the hook up. They let him use their address ( they are in NY and We are in NJ) they let him stay there while he was in the academy, pulled strings to get him the courthouse he wanted (ended up being the one my dad was at, they worked together for a few months and he retired) and that is where he ended up meeting his wife. Ironic, right? We agreed I would be the money job and he would be the benefits job. Well, that turned out well for me, lol.
God only knows how the “I’m taking my savings and going to saint maarten without you and alone” went. She wouldn’t dare rock the boat I guess, because according to my daughter she NEEDS him. ( no probing by me, she offers this information because she is very observant and emotionally intelligent. She also expressed she doesn’t want to live that way and respects that I am not that way)
As far as happiness comes from within. Yea, we have to make a choice to be happy. Some people can have everything in the world that you think would make them happy, but are still miserable. But really, happiness, excitement, sadness are usually fueled by outside sources. Do I rely on the external to dictate my moods? No. Can external things bring us an array of emotions? Absolutely!
I am content with how great my daughter is doing. I am content with my job. I am content with my friends. I feel a peace and calm when I think of certain things. And I feel unsettled and a bit of anxiety when I think about others. But overall, and everyone who knows me knows I am not a miserable person. My ex is a miserable person and asu daughter says “dad has anger issues” but he is generally happy when he finds things to make him that way
