Oddly, I felt very little at the moment I was told. It felt more to me like a business transaction than an emotional one. Maybe because I’ve already mourned the relationship/marriage? Maybe because I see who he is and no longer want to be with him? Maybe I am still numb? It’s hard to say…
I spoke with my IC and she encouraged me to start considering, dating as many of the unresolved feelings I have about all that I have been through will naturally come into play in building new relationships. No rush, but something to consider. I don’t disagree…I’ve spent so long now reading, learning, growing, so it’s not like I haven’t done a lot of work already. Anyway, I’m still settling in and I started my training course, so I don’t think I’m ready to add more to my plate right now. Maybe in a month or so. She suggested doing a match-matching service, like the one with lunch in the name. Has anyone used one of these services before? Are they worth it?
XH communication has been extremely minimal and very basic. My goal is to be responsive and polite when needed, but not ‘friendly’. Sometimes his texts try to be warm and friendly and I am not his friend anymore. I even told him that if he divorces me, we won’t be friends. But I’m sure he wants to be, either to ease his own guilt or to keep me in is back pocket. I won’t be that person. But I am being friendly enough so that I can maintain positive relationships with my SSs and his family. Someone I met recently is struggling with getting long and awful letters from her ex. Part of the letters are how wonderful she is and how he misses her and the other half are attacks and blaming. Pretty awful stuff. I hope my situation remains the way it is. I can’t imagine how hard it is to detach when getting letters like that. I encouraged her to use a parenting portal or another person as a go-between. She’s tried some things and will try some suggestions soon.
Anyway, we are going to have some amazing weather this weekend, so I hope to get out and enjoy it a little. I hardly had time to do my beach walks, so I’ve missed them! And the weather is an added bonus!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
