I continue with my R and it is going strong. Forming blended families is tough but also a blessing. Marriage is likely coming in the next year or so.
Ex W still seems to come and go with regards to MLC. Further job loss, mountain of debt, working 24/7 and the kids complain about the stuff they have to deal with on her time. R with affair OM ended a while back and now she is with a more stable person. Once in 2020, she played the victim, tried to seduce me and asked for money and help. After I declined, she quickly went back to the vindictive one. More recently, after ANOTHER job loss and an eviction, once again asked for money and help. No seduction this time but did start crying when she asked to move in with me and just be roommates with no romantic ties (obviously would end my R but not hers). She did mention suicidal thoughts and I think this was for attention and nothing real. I spoke with her for several hours on the phone and calmed her down. I offered some financial assistance but nowhere near the amount she was asking for. In the end, I did not provide any help. Then, wrote her a letter with the "gloves off" telling her things (personality traits) she needs to fix for the betterment of the kids. Since that time she has been very short and has not asked for any help.
She is in R for a couple of years now but still cannot stand me being in a stable R. She stated her R is not really that great and they live separate lives, are not close and there is no marriage or plans to do so. After her eviction, I asked why not move in with her R partner and it was not an option for some reason. She was supposed to move in with a family member, but that quickly fell through and now has another rental home--too small for a family of 3. I recently saw her for the first time in about a year, and she looks awful. Stressed, hair not done, no makeup, still nagging the kids about trivial stuff etc... I don't intend to sound mean, but this is a person who would spend 3 hours getting ready for the grocery store. It saddens me.
What worries me (and why I feel guilty) is that I know when she is stressed, the kids are feeling the brunt of it. I do not know of any way I can possibly help but know she is in turmoil, and thus the kids are too. However, she is making no attempts to reduce that stress so it is self inflicted. I know the formula: during her time of duress she spills her guts, wants to know info about me and my situation and is very nice. At all other times, she is short and not interested in anything about my life. I've kept my personal life very private from her but certain the kids are spilling information about it. They frequently ask my GF to be their mom (I discourage this) and tend to cling to females who are not as controlling or demanding as their mom. I am happy and feel confident in my current R, but feel devastated that the kids have to deal with their mother and her drama and turmoil. I wish there were a quick fix to things but alas just keep waiting for things to normalize for them.
