Peter, I like it! That was a very strong response. I know that our resolve ebbs and flows, so do not be surprised when the things we've discussed above come flooding back. I know I had good days, and I had bad days in my DB journey. As time went on it swung from more bad than good days, to more good than bad days. I think you are well on your way in that journey. But, as with all of us, there are still some cracks. We find ways to convince ourselves that we need to know what the WAS/WS is doing. And we can come up with some very good reasons for it. But if I could count on my fingers the number of LBSs that came here saying that a PA, or another PA, was the final straw, but then found out about a new PA and hedged on that I would need 17 hands to count all of the fingers.
We want to know because we WANT to know. Understanding this and admitting this helps us move forward. I was an obsessive snooper. If you read my threads you will see that was my biggest struggle in becoming emotionally detached. Obsessing about where she was, what she was doing, and whom she was doing it with. And due to my background I could read an electronic trail to piece things together. BUT, it was holding me back from being fully detached. I could make excuses for why I needed the intel, but as the vets here taught me, I already had all I needed to know to make an informed decision, but I still obsessed about what she was doing. Deep down it was a wishful thinking that she wasn't engaging in the things that I suspected. But as I said to you above, it was really a cheeseless tunnel that I kept impulsively running down.
What I can tell you is worrying about what she is or isn't doing on this trip is not emotional detachment.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
