Peter, I am still sensing in you a tendency to apply logic and meaning to her moods, actions, and words. You have to understand that there is no logic. And that her actions and words will thusly be illogical.
I am mostly unaffected by her ramblings but that is because I have been practicing mindfulness and some DB principles. I think it will be helpful to remind myself that she is guaranteed to be illogical. Lack of logic is even beneficial to a WAS.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
A lot of LBSs get trapped into the: "She is nice, things must be improving! Oh, now she is mean its the end of the world!"
This is a much needed clear and concise encapsulation of this syndrome. I see that some of my mental responses can be characterized by this syndrome, but I also feel that I am not really trapped by this. The meanness is probably just this - "They are trying to find a way, against logic, to make their wants and perceived needs a reality.". End of the day, these are mere ripples in a river. These perturbations will not change the river's course.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
...she usually was friendly, gracious, polite, even nice.
Probably crumbs. These are easy as long as the goal of finding an A is on track.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
As far as your question. Obviously this question is rooted in over-attachment. "If she goes it will end the MR." "I need to know if she PAs there." This is a cheeseless tunnel!
I need to know because I had set a boundary - one where I will D her if she PAs again. If I don't know then it will be tough to go down that road (based on suspicion alone, however credible that suspicion might be).
Originally Posted by SteveLW
This is why discussing the R is not a good idea, you cannot believe anything she says.
Yes this is another of my boundaries. No R talk at all. Neither can I believe her, nor is it beneficial to me in anyway.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
I have a friend who discovered and had evidence that his first wife, now ex, met with her OM at a hotel. He even knew the room she was in had a single bed. His EX admitted to sleeping in the same bed with the OM but was willing to swear on a stack of Bibles that they did NOTHING further. To this day, if you were to ask her, though he is remarried and she was, if not still, she would deny. Because that is what liars and cheaters do. They will defend their lies against all evidence until the end of time.
Lol this is hilarious. Will keep this in mind. Actually I am reconciling with the mindset that I don't need to know anything more. She did cheat - I already know that 100%. I also know that she blames me for her action to cheat and will not take responsibility for it. Why bother to discuss this. Not beneficial to me.
