I don't know why I'm still doing this sometimes. Guess I still love him? Feel like I was the one who ruined it so I can fix it? Don't want a broken family....he will see the baby every 1-2 weeks usually at my request.
What works is counter-intuitive.
You have set of belief's and behaviors that you can reflect on and make changes if you decided to. If you change the way you interact with the baby's father, then the relationship changes.
You can reinvent yourself now and anytime in the future if you want to.
One thing that has worked for many is to "Drop the rope" . IE don't attempt to control him or the outcome. "Stockdale paradox"
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end —which you can never afford to lose —with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” ~ James Stockdale
