Really, really sorry to hear things didn’t work out with Texan G. Like Mach, I was hoping the radio silence was because you were having too much fun to log in and tell us about it. I get what you meant about wanting to weigh it out in your own head before getting the group consensus. Listening to your description of Texan, he reminds me very much of TDH (minus the jealousy and gambling). I, like you, was extremely hopeful in the beginning until I realized the extent of his drinking and then the lying about his drinking. He was also living his life in a very irresponsible way and seemed quite deluded when it came to the reality of his situation. Also like you… as soon as I made the decision to end it, I was really, really relieved.
I also wanted to say that I feel a particular kinship with you because I think we are similar people in terms of the men we are attracted to. I don’t think I was like that in my early life but a bit more so after my first divorce and now that I’ve had my second, this is a definite concern for me. I’ve realized that I feel safer with guys who my friends and family think aren’t worthy of me. I don’t know if that is true or not but this is just their observations from the outside looking in. I don’t think of myself as being superior to anyone but I do get what they are saying. When I really think about it, I think that if we end up dating people who we think may consider us to be a “step up”, it may be because it feels safer to us and less likely we will be left or broken up with in the dramatic way that both of us were. I’m not sure either of us have really come to terms with what a number that does on the self esteem. I realized recently that I have a habit of swiping left on guys who have “liked” me that I deem to be too good looking, too successful, too much younger than me (anyone with more than a six year age difference), too fit, etc…. If I am really honest with myself, I don’t do this because I think I won’t like them. I do this because I think they won’t like me…at least not longterm. So rather than open myself up to that kind of rejection, I just avoid it altogether. I wasn’t like that before. When I met XH online, I dated a few guys that I would swipe left on today for those reasons. But 54 year-old me doesn’t have the confidence that 36 year-old me did and that isn’t solely because I am older now.
Anyway…don’t want to hijack your thread by talking about my psychological issues…lol. I just wanted to send you a long distance hug and tell you that you are not alone. I still believe the right guy for you will come along one day. Probably when you least expect it. (((HUGS)))
