6 month old baby and upcoming divorce

[BL42]

Newborn,

Sorry you're in this situation - it must be especially difficult with a 6 month old - but glad you decide to post. Hope we can help you through this time in your life.

This was preceded by years of extremely difficult schedules due to medical career (career hours that were temporary, but unfortunately a total of 6 yrs of stress and limited time outside of work).

Maybe it's through the biased lens of my own situation, but the medical field seems to cause a lot of issues with marriages.

I started my DB'ing journey - I found a ton of guidance with the vets here and did my best to GAL, stop putting pressure, becoming the type of person you'd want to be with.

That's great. Sounds like you already have a good knowledge of the material.

I tried to undo the damage - feeling I hadn't respected him enough nor his career

What are your careers?

our marriage took a hit when he almost was arrested and I had to pay for his rent, lawyer fees, etc

What was he arrested for?

He also struggled to fully commit, and we had talked about starting a family within the next 1-2 yrs, but he couldn't commit to a true time frame which was tough because I had a limited time to be able to have children due to a prior surgery.

Did you feel pressure to have kids? Did you pressure him?

His reasons were he didn't feel ready, he was worried I would work too much.

You mentioned your career earlier. Do you feel you work too much?

Eventually despite birth control I became pregnant - he wanted me to terminate, I said I couldn't do that, and he was very resentful.

Asking to terminate a pregnancy is a major decision. How did you feel about that?

He had me hide the pregnancy until he felt "ready" so I hid it for 5 months, at that time it was definitely going to impact my career, so STBXH told me he was going to leave after helping for 1-2 mos post birth.

Having to "hide" a pregnancy because of your partner is also a major deal. Usually people are excited to announce.

STBX comes by every 1-2 wks or so, usually when I ask him to so I can do a work/social event and have a break. He doesn't reach out much otherwise.

He only sees the baby once every week or two?

I've filed for divorce; he's completed paperwork and he's not trying to go after me financially, we came up with a pretty fair agreement that leaves our assets intact.

So are you the higher income earner with more assets? Based on this and other comments...are you a doctor and he's not?

Did you talk to an L? Sounds like he potentially won't fight you on custody. Do you know what you want there?

My friends/family obviously want me to move on.

Don't listen to your friends and family. They have good intentions, but want you not to hurt in the moment. You need to make up your own mind.

I guess I want the input of others here. Has anyone had a similar situation that turned out well? Is it too broken at this point?

There are a few people on here with very young children for BD/D. My daughter was 1. Ginger1's daughter was 6 months. Another newbie was just recently having the baby last time we heard. Hopefully others will reach out and help.

When I spend enough time away from him I'm ready to move on fully. Then I see him again and hope this will work out?

It sounds like you've done plenty of reading and know what you should be doing. GAL, focus on yourself, make a great life...and see what he decides.