Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out (2)

[BL42]

she cheated, has revised our MR beyond recognition and mercilessly trashed me in front of the people who matter to her now.

Standard Operating Procedure around here for Wayward Spouses. Have you ever read Sandi2's thread on the Mindset of a Wayward Spouse? If not, you should... you'll likely recognize a lot of similarities and better understand their perspective.

Another example I remember: That we should separate, and she will keep him 3 nights a week.

Ummm...no. She doesn't get to decide this unilaterally. You two have to come to a mutual agreement, likely 50/50, or a judge will decide. Too bad so sad for her if she thinks she can dictate the result. Stand up for your rights and preferences. You've met with an L, right?

She continues to ignore the time I spend on him and in spite of obvious evidence, pretty much continues to think that she does everything for him and I do not do anything (including spending 1x1 time with him).

It's certainly OK to vent here - it's a great forum for that & but try to focus on you and your child and don't give her the luxury of you caring what she thinks. Just be the best dad you can be and the rest will take a care of itself.

I am happy with my responses and behavior at home. I have not got even a little angry and not even mildly argued in any situation. But also making sure that I am not a door mat. GAL is going quite fine and feel quite motivated on several things. I am trying to maintain once a week meeting with friends and while it is not fully realized, success rate is improving.

Awesome! Keep it up.

Last but not the least: she is telling me that she wants to travel to her hometown and will likely do so in August. I understand that there is a good chance this bit of travel will end our M, but I am relatively calm. I have decided I will not come in the way of her travel at all. However, I feel I need to know if she PAs over there or even meets the OM (He does not live in her hometown, but they are from the same town. Obviously, if they want to fu*k they will meet there). Any comments/advice regarding this development will be really appreciated.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought a PA was already established in your sitch? Maybe there had been a break from it for a bit, but it sounded like the EA portion continued and the PA would likely reoccur when the opportunity presented itself.

PeterB it's one of the hardest things to grasp in this entire saga but you simply can't control her. If she's going to go meet up with AP, you can't stop it. They'll find a way no matter what. I know it's awful being your wife, and being married with a young child, but do what you can to let go:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Doesn't matter if you're religious or not - drop the "God" part if not - but the concept of serenity and letting go of things you can't control is the right mindset.

Focus on yourself and your son. Easier said than done, trust me I get it.