I can’t recall where I heard this (maybe Esther Perel?) but I heard that we feel chemistry and are most attracted to people who either have issues we need to resolve or remind us trauma or difficulties. As the emotional effect of them is familiar to our bodies. After this was stated, it was discussed that true deep relationships develop slowly and are not exciting at first. That it takes time to see the parts of these people that don’t initially excite us, and to connect with them. These slower revealing parts are actually deeper parts and not easily shared when first meeting someone.
Anyway, I have no experience around this to tell you if this is true or not. But it did make me personally wonder about my attraction to my STBXH. It was pretty fast and extremely electrifying. And look what happened and what kind of person he turned out to be.
When I read all the recent content on your situation, I do wonder if taking the time with a few extra dates with guys that seem really put together but missing obvious immediate chemistry might be worth exploring? When I am ready to date, I am thinking about the same thing. I want my future relationship to develop slowly. I want to know who this new guy is before I get in deep and attached….which I found really hard to do with my STBXH with all that chemical reactions happening. Anyway, hope it gives you something else to think about.
I’m glad your daughter is okay! As for you XH…I agree, seems fishy. Easy for them to say they have no money, but then they manage to spend a lot. Of course, he could be doing it on credit. But unless it’s a guys trip, seems that he wouldn’t be doing it alone. Trust your gut on that one!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
